I found these pictures yesterday and now I just have to.
I have been going back and forth about writing this post. It's been over a month now since I first considered it and now it's time. I want to always be honest on here.
I am not happy about the way I look.
I'm not happy about the way I feel because of how I look.
I haven't been for over a year now.
That would put me around the time my daughter was two months old.
Last year was very hard for me. All my friends and family reading this,
I can see you all nodding your heads in agreement.
It's so true. I don't think I have had a harder year than last year.
I was so down on myself, depressed.
The moving out of my own home part was the hardest.
Leaving my mom behind was just as difficult.
I'm her only child, we're so close.
My children missed her too.
What I gained from all of it, however, was so worth it.
Except for the actual weight gain.
That part needs dealt with.
The humility, patience, and lessons learned are all welcome, though.
I had a hard time deciding to write this mostly because it makes me sound vain.
Even if me wanting to lose weight has more to do with the way I feel than the way I look.
I don't want to sound ungrateful.
Ungrateful of this healthy body that I do have.
This body that I have learned to love despite the extra pounds.
This body that carried my two babies and delivered them perfectly.
This body that has taken me anywhere I've needed to go.
I love it and what it has allowed me to do.
As a matter of fact, I want to lose weight to show my body respect.
I want to lose weight to be healthy so that my children know how to.
I'm vegan (minus cheese occasionally) so the fridge is full of yummy healthy food.
But it's hypocritical of me to make them eat right and go off and not eat well.
There is retraining that needs to occur.
I have become accustomed to eating things that are hard on my body.
Things that are better when eaten occasionally instead of regularly.
Before I got pregnant with Mela I looked like this: